In this episode, Rachel and Mandi expound on Self-care, with respect to having control over our nervous systems to help our bodies recover from stress as well as perform essential functions effectively.
Our hosts discuss the role of mindset and emotions in self-care, noting how it applies to achieving our fitness goals while sharing resources that will be beneficial for listeners to gain more insight on the topic at all levels.
[08:30] A huge part of navigating relationships is drawing boundaries, and this is the path to self-care. However, people are often offended by boundaries because they don't practice using them.
[10:38] What does self-care mean to you? To practice self-care, Rachel had to learn to regulate her nervous system as a pivotal part of her wellness plan. It helped her quickly identify when she is out of alignment and get back on track.
[14:32] How can someone identify that their nervous system is dysfunctional? This can manifest in several ways like difficulty sleeping, digestive issues, headaches, heart problems, dizziness, and others. However, most people don't see self-care as a solution because it takes a lot of work. This is especially because the main goal of the body is to keep us alive even if it means staying in an unhealthy environment like a bad relationship.
[20:00] Our cells regenerate when we're in the parasympathetic state, however, after a surge of adrenaline or cortisol, it takes hours for those hormones to dissipate before the body switches back to the parasympathetic. So, constantly being in a state of sympathetic (fight or flight) activity means the body rarely has time to regenerate.
[28:41] There are several options to achieve the same goal of increasing your vagal tone, and being in a parasympathetic state. Intentional breathing, yoga, meditation, a quick cold shower, or even conventional bubble baths, as well as others, are examples. Hence it is important to try different methods to find the best fit.
[34:41] The emotional aspect of self-care is where boundaries play a major role, especially when it comes to managing different levels of trauma, starting from the ones we inherit; an Epigenetics experiment carried out showed that trauma is encoded in our DNA for our protection.
[46:26] The book, Emotional Alchemy, talks about Mindfulness and describes how the first thing to do before you can understand Mindfulness is to have compassion for yourself. A huge misconception of self-care is that it is indulgent or luxurious but it is a gift uncovered by past experiences that have only served to emphasize its importance.
[49:00] Where can listeners get resources on self-care, spiritual awakening, and self-discovery?Rachel's book recommendations are "Untamed", "Breath", and for those hoping to take their spirituality to the next level, "Becoming Supernatural". Lastly, she recommends "The Body Keeps the Score". Mandi recommends following @theintrovertedmillionaireon TikTok, and her number 1 recommendation for starters is "You Can Heal Your Life", which is also available in audio form
Want a podcast like the "Spill Your Guts w/Rachel and Mandi" Podcast? Look no further! I'm Jpaddy from Paddybandwagon.com, your podcasting partner. DM or comment "blessed" on our Instagram @paddybandwagon, and you'll unlock a special offer exclusively for fans of the "Spill Your Guts w/Rachel and Mandi" Podcast. Together, we'll embark on a podcasting journey that will captivate and engage your listeners. Visit Paddybandwagon.com and let's make your podcast dreams a reality.
In this episode, Rachel and Mandi expound on Self-care, with respect to having control over our nervous systems to help our bodies recover from stress as well as perform essential functions effectively.
Our hosts discuss the role of mindset and emotions in self-care, noting how it applies to achieving our fitness goals while sharing resources that will be beneficial for listeners to gain more insight on the topic at all levels.
[08:30] A huge part of navigating relationships is drawing boundaries, and this is the path to self-care. However, people are often offended by boundaries because they don't practice using them.
[10:38] What does self-care mean to you? To practice self-care, Rachel had to learn to regulate her nervous system as a pivotal part of her wellness plan. It helped her quickly identify when she is out of alignment and get back on track.
[14:32] How can someone identify that their nervous system is dysfunctional? This can manifest in several ways like difficulty sleeping, digestive issues, headaches, heart problems, dizziness, and others. However, most people don't see self-care as a solution because it takes a lot of work. This is especially because the main goal of the body is to keep us alive even if it means staying in an unhealthy environment like a bad relationship.
[20:00] Our cells regenerate when we're in the parasympathetic state, however, after a surge of adrenaline or cortisol, it takes hours for those hormones to dissipate before the body switches back to the parasympathetic. So, constantly being in a state of sympathetic (fight or flight) activity means the body rarely has time to regenerate.
[28:41] There are several options to achieve the same goal of increasing your vagal tone, and being in a parasympathetic state. Intentional breathing, yoga, meditation, a quick cold shower, or even conventional bubble baths, as well as others, are examples. Hence it is important to try different methods to find the best fit.
[34:41] The emotional aspect of self-care is where boundaries play a major role, especially when it comes to managing different levels of trauma, starting from the ones we inherit; an Epigenetics experiment carried out showed that trauma is encoded in our DNA for our protection.
[46:26] The book, Emotional Alchemy, talks about Mindfulness and describes how the first thing to do before you can understand Mindfulness is to have compassion for yourself. A huge misconception of self-care is that it is indulgent or luxurious but it is a gift uncovered by past experiences that have only served to emphasize its importance.
[49:00] Where can listeners get resources on self-care, spiritual awakening, and self-discovery?Rachel's book recommendations are "Untamed", "Breath", and for those hoping to take their spirituality to the next level, "Becoming Supernatural". Lastly, she recommends "The Body Keeps the Score". Mandi recommends following @theintrovertedmillionaireon TikTok, and her number 1 recommendation for starters is "You Can Heal Your Life", which is also available in audio form
Want a podcast like the "Spill Your Guts w/Rachel and Mandi" Podcast? Look no further! I'm Jpaddy from Paddybandwagon.com, your podcasting partner. DM or comment "blessed" on our Instagram @paddybandwagon, and you'll unlock a special offer exclusively for fans of the "Spill Your Guts w/Rachel and Mandi" Podcast. Together, we'll embark on a podcasting journey that will captivate and engage your listeners. Visit Paddybandwagon.com and let's make your podcast dreams a reality.
Speaker 1:
It's the Spillier Guts podcast.
Speaker 2:
I almost forgot the name of our podcast.
Speaker 1:
I got swept up with the rhythm.
Speaker 2:
I got caught up.
Speaker 1:
Spillier Guts podcast. Welcome back, jesse. What episode is this? We'll go with six. Yeah, episode six. We got Rachel Dawn here in the house who has exposed me in my middle name to the world.
Speaker 2:
What was that?
Speaker 1:
again. Oh, i shouldn't have brought it up. I need to quit wearing it up that middle name thing, maybe subconsciously, i really want people to call me Mandy Lee.
Speaker 2:
Just change your middle name, whatever. Who even cares about middle names?
Speaker 1:
Okay, if you could choose your own middle name, what would it be? Would you keep Dawn or would you change it? I'd keep Dawn, would you? Yeah, i feel like I'd keep Lee too, just out of like solidarity or something. But when I was a kid, i always wanted to be named Samantha, so that people could call me Sam, because I grew up watching Who's the Boss.
Speaker 2:
Oh, i really like the name Charlie for a girl. Oh, my gosh, sam and Charlie.
Speaker 1:
Yes, we wanted to just be like mysterious all along.
Speaker 2:
Spill your guts with Sam and Charlie.
Speaker 1:
I'll never call you anything else. Beautiful. Welcome back. Welcome back everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. If you are joining us, thank you, because we are just here every week to spill our guts and talk about all things wellness, all things like personal inward work. We're talking relationships, egos, boundaries, spiritual woo-woo stuff, fitness, all the things. So if you're interested in that stuff and you're still hanging out with us, God bless. So last week we were talking about how I was sharing with you guys my Harry Potter stairs thing And I actually got a couple of people who reached out and talked to me a little bit about that. They're like oh, you're on your Harry Potter thing again. huh.
Speaker 2:
Like yeah.
Speaker 1:
I know it's like well, get off, get off my steps, but I feel like it resonated with a lot of people and I feel like you know, as we get older and the shifts what is the term? the shifting sands and winds of change.
Speaker 2:
What is that? I'm looking at, jesse, like there's tides and Jesus's footprints in the sand and stuff.
Speaker 1:
If anyone has the answer, please comment The shifting winds of change, but my 80s song is really really aging myself. I'm like who's the boss?
Speaker 2:
Like nobody's going to know that It's a very specific demographic of people.
Speaker 1:
I'm like, you don't know, tony Danza Who raised you.
Speaker 2:
I had the biggest crush on him, Dude.
Speaker 1:
I could see that You freaking Italians, talian, tony, you know what? No, this is a good time to have this conversation, because one of my favorite icebreakers which may or may not be appropriate is who was responsible for your sexual awakening? And I mean like more celebrity wise, because, okay, that just got weird. But I because if you just ask that question weirdly, that's like not a good look. But maybe I should reframe it. Maybe it should be more like who was your first celebrity crush and not your sexual awakening? But I digress Mine, patrick Swayze. There is no other answer. Dirty dancing Who was letting me watch that when I was in first grade? Honestly, when I tell you that I did not realize that movie was about abortion until I was like an adult.
Speaker 2:
No one did until you're an adult and you're like what the hell? I'm like, wait what's happening to Penny?
Speaker 1:
What is happening? Bosh, mishmortion? Oh my gosh, who's letting me watch this And why haven't I understood the plot? this entire time? I carried a watermelon, patrick Swayze, though If you are a woman of a certain age, you know exactly what I'm talking about, and, yes, i've had the time of my life. Johnny Castle, come and get me out of this corner immediately. It's Patrick, all the way. Everything just went real quiet.
Speaker 2:
I just did not expect the first few minutes of this podcast to be where we are.
Speaker 1:
Sorry, I got really. I got really passionate about that. Okay, so now everybody has to answer, because you know what's funny? I asked this question to all the guys I work with because that's what you do A lot of Farrah Fawcett, a lot of Wonder Woman, So you can. that's the age group of dudes I'm working with.
What, kathy Ireland, i'm a little younger than them.
Speaker 1:
That seems hella classy, necessary roughness.
Speaker 2:
Oh my God, she's the kicker, okay, okay okay, i wish I had a sound effect button for that.
Speaker 1:
Who is yours? I already know yours, but I have to ask for the podcast.
Speaker 2:
Well, technically I have two of a guy and a girl because I'm bi, yes, so I had natural. We've never talked about that before.
Speaker 1:
But this episode's going to take a turn, guys, sorry. No, it's organic, it's good.
Speaker 2:
I was Harrison Ford or was Indiana Jones? technically, Yes, And then also him in Star Wars. I'm a huge Star Wars fan. I'm solo. I never knew it was the same guy. I just thought I was in love with two different men. You just had a real type. I didn't put it together until I was an adult and I was like wait, what?
Speaker 1:
Dude. You know what. This is why we're friends? Because, like Harrison Ford and Patrick Swayze have kind of the same vibe.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
It's an entire bad way. Yeah, it's like come dirty dance me out of my situation.
Speaker 2:
I actually had kind of a crush on baby too. I'm dirty dancing, totally.
Speaker 1:
She's a babe, she has a body. Okay, listen, okay, we're getting out of control. But wait, who's your other one? Angelina Jolie, okay, well, that seems very cliche, so I'm disappointed in that.
Speaker 2:
I know It was like so boring. I'm like, didn't we?
Speaker 1:
all, didn't we all most boring? All right, i'm sorry I took us off the rails there for a minute.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, you want me to bring you guys back.
Speaker 1:
No, no, now that we've got that out of the way.
Speaker 2:
All right Good.
Speaker 1:
Kathy Ireland, you just piped down over there.
Speaker 2:
Sorry, i got excited.
Speaker 1:
But we were talking about the shifting sands of change and relationships and just these unprecedented times and how do we navigate relationships as grownups and with all this, like you know, social media exposure and all the things, and we got into such a good conversation.
Speaker 1:
We landed on self-compassion. So that's where we're going to pick it back up today, because I think it really sparks a bigger conversation which we actually address quite often in the retreat world, which is self-care. It's such a buzzword, yes, and I thought it would be really good for us to talk about, because the segue from like allowing ourselves to create boundaries and navigate relationships and feel like we are in control of that instead of it controlling us, is simply just drawing boundaries and practicing having good boundaries, which is self-care, right, self-compassion, self-care And that's where we kind of ended last week And I want to pick up with that because I think that quote unquote self-care as a buzzword gets its own definition and its own thing And we in the retreat space are constantly like combating that. So I'm going to kick it open. We're going to talk about all things self-care, self-compassion because really truly making these hard decisions when it comes to relationships, like what we talked about last week, is really just practicing boundaries.
Speaker 1:
And I think that what makes us feel bad, or what makes people feel bad when they come up against a boundary, is because for me it's like I haven't been someone who's practiced having boundaries, so it feels offensive and upsetting, like every time. But the more and more I realize like what it is to be healthy, not just physically, but also like mentally, spiritually, emotionally and this is part of it I'm learning to just accept the discomfort, even when maybe someone else doesn't understand. So anyway, what does self-care mean to you, charlie?
Speaker 2:
We're not talking bubble baths and wine.
Speaker 1:
I mean, I like bubble baths and wine, but no, isn't that funny that that's what everybody thinks.
Speaker 2:
Yes, you know the trainer in me like wants to start with a little bit of the science, yes, of how we like get to self-care.
Speaker 1:
This is why you're here. We need you to share these things with us, please We need the science.
Speaker 2:
For me, self-care and I guess kind of depends on what area you need focus in, but I know for sure for me a requirement, and when I was kind of on an educational tour this year, this was a statement that I did not. I know I'm very dramatic, but I did not over exaggerate on that. Learning how to regulate my nervous systems, in particular down regulate which I'll explain what that is was the most impactful thing that I've ever done with my wellness plan, because I couldn't do anything else. I was burnt out, i was maxed out and just kind of done and just going on like neutral and my self care was non-existent as a result.
Speaker 1:
So I don't know like which came first, Or like the self care, like the quote unquote self care as expected right, yes Like because when you discover that all that stuff is not in fact actually like real deep self care, it looks more looks and sounds more like parenting yourself. Re-parenting yourself is what I've sort of coined it in my life. Yes, okay, i want you to explain about the nervous system and regulating and all that, but would you say that, like when we were talking last week and we were talking about creating some space and some boundaries and trying to kind of like create more intimacy and more focus on some of the closer relationships in your life, do you see that now as an act of self care?
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, 100%. I get really self aware that there's an issue and something going on with me And then it takes me so much trial and error to find, like, how to heal that or how to like return to some of that self love, including healthy relationships, having boundaries, that's all love. So I'll get so far out there, like I have to be way far on the scale of like not feeling good to be like, oh no, i don't feel good.
Speaker 1:
And like identify as like oh no, I'm way out here Yes, And do you think that that's why identifying the nervous system thing was so key for you?
Speaker 2:
That's exactly it, because now I can identify it right away and I have the tools and resources and people and boundaries I need to get back on track. So I don't go so far deep that, and then it takes forever and a lot of work to come back. Now it's just like a little detour and then I'm kind of back on track.
Speaker 1:
Right, which makes total sense, because if you are exhausting yourself, trying to keep up with, like, all these different expectations and obligations to all these different people, that is very stimulating. Yes, And so it really does become a physical issue of overwhelm and burnout, and that's what we, like, all constantly live in. So tell me, coach, how would somebody identify that their nervous system is fucked up So and they need help, like they're out, hanging out on the edge, like what explain that and how the common person like myself could identify that?
Speaker 2:
It's actually really common. There's something like over 70 million people worldwide actually have a dysregulated nervous system but either don't know it or our self diagnosis something else or this is I'm not a doctor, I'm just a trainer out here. But for me personally I tried to exhaust all other things before going to a doctor, unless it's like I got a bone sticking out of my body, like an acute event happens. But I try to okay, I've kind of identified what this is or how I feel, And then I put it on myself to like try everything possible And if I still can figure it out, then I go to the doctor and I think a lot of people it's the opposite They go right to the doctor.
Speaker 2:
So when they're not feeling good it manifests in so many different ways. It can be problems sleeping, digestive issues, headaches, body aches, heart problems like racing heart, dizziness, feeling out of control. So a lot of these symptoms are common for people. I think a lot of it can come back to our inability or not knowing that self regulation is a solution. But it takes a lot of work, just like self care. It's not bubble baths, Exactly.
Speaker 1:
Exactly. Well, that's the thing It's like. Well, that's the thing too, when you start down this path, right, which we've talked about, is that it really is. It's not like the oh, i'm going to work out so that I can fit in these pants, right, like once you start feeling better, physically better, you realize that it's bigger than that And you can move. But, but a lot of times people don't hang in long enough to like start to feel the benefit of that consistency. So you're saying it's like the same thing as exercise, like moving could be could be just.
Speaker 1:
The nervous system is affected by movement, by what we're eating, by lack of sleep, stimulants, caffeine, all the things. Oh yeah, and most basically, everything we used to cope. Great Thanks, hey. See you guys next week. A great episode.
Speaker 2:
Cool, i'm pissed. It is a lot like fitness. A lot of people don't realize that they weren't feeling even a baseline level of optimal until they suddenly are. When I had a lot of active clients, i had a lot of female clients, especially moms, single moms, new moms that just didn't sleep And as soon as we could help them get more sleep or quality sleep, everything changed. But suddenly the weight started coming off Suddenly. The headaches went away.
Speaker 1:
Yes, suddenly the energy.
Speaker 2:
Yes, so our nervous system and there's, it's very complex. There's like actually seven systems, but really, when it comes to regulation, we talk about the sympathetic and the parasympathetic, and the sympathetic I always talk about is like fight or flight. It's the gas pedal, It's necessary. The only thing we preach this all the time, like we think we're so advanced, but the only thing our bodies are trying to do. There's a couple of things, but the main thing is keep us alive. That's it. That's literally all it's trying to do. So it's always going to pull on past experiences. It's always going to try to keep you safe, even if that means staying in an unhealthy relationship, for example, because we know and we can predict and it's safe there. Who knows what's out there? You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:
So like, and these bodies are like, a false sense of control, right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:
They're so clever They do whatever And then you know they want to like reproduce and like things like that. But that's the main thing is that our body's like sympathetic, It's trying to, it's wired, It's scanning environments, It's walking into a room and being like, okay, I feel safe here or not, And then our parasympathetic is really like the break, And that is things that help us sleep, digest, keeps us out of fight or flight, allows us to be high energy productive I hate using that words.
Speaker 1:
Maybe a no, no, no, but it's like fruitful production right, like actually getting stuff done, and it feels good to like to like have stuff not hanging over you, whereas like when I'm feeling like out of control and I have stuff hanging over me, it just creates more anxiety And I just avoid, avoid, avoid and procrastinate to like have you ever done that?
Speaker 1:
You know you have to do something. You like put it off, put it off And then you do. It is literally like 11 minutes And you're like why did I torture myself for days?
Speaker 2:
I don't know, but we do it.
Speaker 1:
So I hear you, i just resonate so deeply. When I was getting certified in Reiki, which we taught, we learned a lot about the nervous system in that space too. One of the things that I thought was wild, it like blew my mind. You know way more about this than me, but I want to know what you think about this. I was learning that when we're in the parasympathetic which is like when we're sleeping, and in that rest and digest, right, that is obviously when our cells are regenerating, right, when we're sleeping and the body can heal and repair, like in that state. But if you have, like a surge or a boost of adrenaline or cortisol, right. What I learned was that it please medical people out there.
Speaker 2:
If we're wrong, let us know, because we don't want to be false news, fake news.
Speaker 1:
She said something like 12 hours or something for those hormones and chemicals to like, dissipate and flush out before your body can actually switch over to the parasympathetic naturally. And so if we're constantly living in a state of adrenaline and cortisol and stress like when can people ever, when can the body ever have the break to regenerate cells and heal? and no wonder we all feel terrible.
Speaker 2:
So we talked about this on an earlier episode, about being ancient bodies in a modern world. Our bodies don't know the difference between like stress of not being able to pay a bill and running from a lion. It cannot determine. it's the same chemical reaction, the same feeling, and so that's exactly it. When we stay in fight or flight all the time, we will crash and burn. We can't maintain it. It's like running from a lion 24, seven with no breaks And just in the fitness space.
Speaker 1:
also for anyone out there who's listening to us for those tips. This is exactly why getting stressed out and like hating on yourself and like taking the approach of like no pain, no gain bitch, better get to work. You know, doesn't work, because then you're just putting yourself in that cortisol adrenaline state and your body's not going to release anything. So it's like you can be doing all this work and grinding and grinding and grinding and not quote, unquote, seeing the results that you want because of, literally, you're stressing yourself out 100%.
Speaker 1:
And people never, ever believe me when I tell them that can I get the official Rachel Prairie coach like stamp of approval on that Like? is that true?
Speaker 2:
Yes, yes, 100%, and I even would I mean it was a fake survey because I knew the answer. But that is a question that I would ask my trainers when I do some of my education is aren't the toughest clients the ones that can't lose weight, that are stuck that hip plateaus we've talked about before? They're usually like no overnight nurses, so like high stress garbage. You know they can only order pizza at night eating on the fly.
Speaker 1:
Quick, quick, quick Yeah.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, they're sleep cycles off, They're smoking, and then they're coming in and crushing it And they're like why am I not losing weight, like what? And then they're hating themselves. Oh, i must eat less.
Speaker 1:
Yes, Punish, punish punish.
Speaker 2:
You were right. Oh yeah, keep fight or flight going. You know what I mean. So it's like those are always why I think it's always the clients.
Speaker 1:
So important for you to say that, because I think it's like people can understand cognitively, like okay you and I both say like you can't hate yourself into a body you're going to love and appreciate. I think people cognitively understand that like okay, i might have to start changing the way I speak to myself. People are becoming emotionally intelligent, like we're all in this together. I don't think that's as outlandish as a concept as it was maybe five, 10 years ago.
Speaker 1:
Because I think everybody like is starting to go okay, maybe I just need to be like a little less mean to myself, but when you can actually back that up now with what you're telling me here, that like the physical hormonal response in the body and almost like an attack against your efforts, that's a big deal And that actually helps prop up the emotional intelligence part even more, because they are connected right. Because can you monitor or maybe monitors not the right word Can you influence your hormones by your mindset and your emotional state?
Speaker 2:
Okay, this is like bringing up something else that I never get to talk about. That always blows my mind at the retreat, at the point when we had those continuous blood sugar monitors.
Speaker 1:
Yes, yes. I had a shout out the point retreats I know.
Speaker 2:
Krista, come on, We love you beyond the podcast. So essentially it's a little device. you just stick, it goes, you know, like half an inch into your skin and then it's linked to an app that gives you feedback about your glucose level throughout the day, And I, of course, the trainer and me. anytime I get that kind of data and technology, I'm like what can't we do? Let's see how I can break my blood sugar.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, you were to, she was. I lost mine after like two days. I was like oh, I can go to hot yoga. Oh no, i lost my monitor.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, i was like I'm gonna eat a donut and then I'm gonna do this and do that. Yeah, but I was. It blew my mind when my blood sugar dropped blower than it goes even when I am in. Like my deepest state of sleep was when I was doing. I was doing two recovery things at the same time because I'm a nerd. I was doing my hyper eyes, my Norma tech compression leg sleeve, so like you slip them on your legs and they give you compression on your legs, and I have this little like meditation device that kind of leads you through like a little guided meditation. So I had to recovery things happening at the same time And my blood sugar dropped to the lowest that it was in the entire two weeks when I was just sitting there chilling the fuck out And it blew my mind like nothing.
Speaker 1:
Nothing else even came because it literally proved to you and your own little study you were doing that you can't govern, yes, what's happening physically in your body by being intentional about what you're feeling and thinking. Yeah, that's that's correct.
Speaker 2:
Back on that regulation. That's what it was like. I was trying to lower my heart rate, work on my breathing.
Speaker 1:
So what if the average person doesn't have compression sleep legs, zippered guys, what do we do? Do.
Speaker 2:
I just make my husband.
Speaker 1:
Like squeeze my legs, just hold me, hold the clothes And dance. I bet Michael that never listens to this because he's got a lot of tasks. Like listen, coach Rachel says you need to start squeezing my thighs. I can come out of fight or flight. It's for my health. It's for my health, okay, break his hands on the quads. Stop it. One time she called my quads hearty and it was the best compliment I've ever seen in my life still feel away about it, she's like you look, you just look strong and a hearty and I was like I'll never go back.
Speaker 1:
Hardy is now my middle name Mandy Hardy holding actually I like the sound of that Okay put that in the notes. What do you think I'm doing right now? Okay, i'm sorry, you're about to share something really important. So, the average Joe, what can we do?
Speaker 2:
So lucky for people everywhere, there is unlimited options in this space. It's going to be just like fitness or anything else, where you try stuff and see what works, what you like, what you don't like, in order to kind of like land on the conclusion, like, find your calm. So the end goal is to have the science a word is higher vagal tone, okay, activating your vagus nerves, which is kind of like the on off switch for your parasympathetic. But it can be as simple as intentional breathing for a few minutes of day, yoga, meditating and remember both of those, especially meditating can take all sorts of forms. It can be seated Like a walk around the block.
Speaker 2:
Yes, it can be lifting weights honestly. So think outside the box. With meditation, It doesn't have to sit and you say, um, that doesn't work for me. Grounding, going outside in nature, getting sunshine, cold therapy You don't have to get in a tub or a cold lake. I made Mandy hop in a cold lake also. What?
Speaker 1:
else has she made me do? That's a whole other episode.
Speaker 2:
But you could simply do a quick little 10 second cold shower or put your face in cold water.
Speaker 1:
It doesn't have to be a whole thing, Oh I have a question and we might have to come back to this, but can your vagus nerve be exercised like a muscle, like strengthened to respond, like quicker? and yeah, with practice, can you like? actually? like achieve this easier more easy, Did you know? does that make sense what I'm saying? I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:
Yeah. Yeah, you want to balance between your gas pedal and your break. But I would say this it's kind of like how I explain I can recognize it and tap into it quicker than I used to be able to because I went through and found the tools that I need, okay.
Speaker 1:
So then you're on a journey of like identifying when you're feeling that distress, yes. And then you know now, like you have the tools, that you know that work, that you can go, oh, i'm feeling this way, okay, i'm going to meditate or I'm going to go do this, or even that could be a bath, right, like no shade to bubble baths, like we give bubble baths a little grief when we are deconstructing the self care concept. But like, these are all the things, right, you just have to find what's good for you.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so that's what I would call. when we talk about self care, i think we're about to go a lot deeper than that. but like kind of the more surface level feel good self care has value, but for long term, when we're talking about like that long term stickiness, we got to go a little bit further, or why the self care is an important venture And it's because of the issue.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, Yep, yeah, exactly, and really change the mindset, because otherwise I would have been out on that ledge just like taking hella bubble baths and like praying for the best, instead of doing the actual, like self care, hard work to bring me back and then help me regulate in a better and a healthier way.
Speaker 1:
Honestly, Well, i think it's so important for you to share that because, like we have talked about before and experience in the retreat space that a lot of this stuff like retreats or what people assume is self care, is considered a luxury. Yes, and I think people might think that, oh well, you know that must be nice, but I can't afford to go do that stuff or I can't, that's not for me. So I love that you're kind of on this mission with teaching people about the nervous system, because it's like not a luxury. It's a necessary thing to understand, especially if you're on a wellness, health, fitness journey. Like this is a huge component of the mind, body, spirit connection that we're always talking about.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, i mean you and I. It's important to us and a lot of people in this space that this, it has to be accessible. So or it's not. Health. To me, right, like I always think of a health you know it has, it's the collective health of all humans. I mean it's nice if I'm healthy, but if everyone around me sick, like what good does that really do me? Like now we're all just kicking it.
Speaker 1:
Like what do you know what?
Speaker 2:
I mean Like in my definition of health.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, So we get passionate. Passionate because we met each other in the fitness space, right To my surprise. To meet somebody like you, who is like believes the same way I do, it was like so exciting to me, because you can feel kind of lonely in the space where and I'm just speaking for like myself and like people that I've worked with you know it's like people can't get so hard on themselves when what you're hearing constantly is, you know, like no excuses, like have you gotten your workout today? You know, get it in.
Speaker 1:
That whole energy to me is so aggressive and like anti productive of like what the end goal is, because it just like perpetuates more of the like self hate and shame thing which moves us into like the emotional health part of it, right Yeah. So the self care is not just these like physical, scientifically proven things that you can do, whatever they may be, might be quietly cooking yourself a nice meal, all the way to like, doing breath work and meditation.
Speaker 1:
Like there's just a huge gamut, right. But then we also move into the emotional territory of what self care is, which is kind of what we were talking about last week, which is boundaries. Yeah, you know, learning how to care for yourself and your wellbeing first before you're tending to those around you, which can be really hard for people who come from like a family of origin or background where that was like rude or not acceptable.
Speaker 1:
We're getting into like family stuff and trauma and patterns and behavior stuff. So self care moves into that direction. And then what do we do there?
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, because if we think about especially all the stuff you just named, it's housed in our bodies And I think we've talked about this before, about how this is also passed down generationally, physically in our DNA, which is crazy, like that's what I said, like we think we're I don't know, like our bodies are just incredible, like I'm carrying around trauma DNA from my mom in my body And I think I just get to like not address it. No, it's literally did we talk about.
Speaker 1:
I can't remember, jesse, you remember if we've already talked about this on the podcast, but it's epigenetics, yeah, and it's the study of oh my gosh, i'm going to try to say this as like not a scholar, but it's basically like there's scientific research being done right now proving that, like I think there was a study of mice where they exposed these mice to like water torture. Thank you, mice, for your service But they basically have trauma with water and these mice like drowned.
Speaker 1:
And they found that, like the generations that followed, like way after the generation that was exposed to the water, torture experienced like terror and fright and fear around water, because that was genetically passed on to the like further generations of mice. And they're like proving that this is a real thing, that, like trauma is encoded in our DNA for our survival And then it shows up in all these different ways And then that conversation could be taken like politically and like everywhere else Like you know like why people like respond to things a certain way, when maybe they haven't experienced it firsthand, but they get like viscerally wild in their reaction and response to it.
Speaker 1:
I believe is an epigenetics thing.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, it's layers and layers of trust. So like think about like okay, we passed down the genetic. and then let's say we have a parent that also has like a behavior, like something that they do that we also learn from them, like to be afraid of snakes or something like that.
Speaker 2:
And then we have our own experiences, right Because of our bodies are constantly scanning to keep us alive. They stay, remember things to keep us safe. So they'll be like, oh, remember that this person hurt us last time, so let's not hang around. So it's like layers and layers and layers and it's like automatic.
Speaker 1:
You're not even aware of it.
Speaker 2:
That's what's wild. So we're walking around burnt out, carrying around generations of trauma, our family trauma and our own personal experience trauma.
Speaker 1:
And then we're mad that we can't lose like five pounds. It's like insane, Like give me a break. You know what I'm carrying around. And it's true, Like when you really really really put it that way, like the human experience is just like so intense and wild And we're all just like really trying to figure it out.
Speaker 1:
And it comes back to that compassion piece And we're so ready and able to give it to most everyone else right And really struggle giving it back to ourselves. Yeah, and it's really, really hard And I think the only way out is through. We could talk about it all day long and like understand cognitively that all this stuff makes sense, but it really is like the practice of it, the doing, which is why we have to have contrast, which is why you know, the human experience offers us disappointment and failure and pain and like the hard stuff, because otherwise how could we understand it, right, mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:
Is there. So I know I kind of hit hit you with the science right out of the gate, like when we're talking about self care and boundaries and healthy relationships and you know our, our life as love stories. is there anything that you wish people knew about what it is to actually like? do we call it the work or something like I wish I would have known this when I started my journey.
Speaker 1:
Oh, that's so good. What a great question. I wouldn't even know, Like how do we answer that? I would say that I think that everybody inherently knows deep down that it's everything always comes back to being inward than outward. And I always say that I think that it kind of we're seeing it sort of become more and more of a conversation which is exciting because I think that we, as like a generation of people, are starting to figure something out.
Speaker 1:
That's special right, because this kind of conversation is not necessarily like just dismissed as like feelings, or I mean a lot of people still do Like there's still like a big, you know, a big group of people who might be uncomfortable with this and be like roll their eyes and think it's tacky, but that's really not the norm anymore, in my opinion.
Speaker 1:
I think that a lot more people are starting to understand that it's like this is the whole package and you can't just like you know, have this veneer of a thing and then not deal with what's behind it. Yeah, and so I would say, if I were talking to somebody who was just starting to like lean into figuring this out, i would tell them like this is literally all of us, like you are not alone in these feelings, like we all have trauma, we all have a story. In fact, sometimes it might be the like weird poet, artist, person that I try to be like mother wannabe writer. I try to be in my heart where I just like get real esoteric and like want to listen to like Indie Rock at a coffee shop, somewhere with a notepad, just like feel like I'm some kind of folk songwriter or something. But I get overwhelmed when I start to get to know new people. Or you really get to spend some deep time with people.
Speaker 1:
Maybe you didn't really know very well and you just, you, ever just get like overwhelmed with like what people have lived through And you just walk away going like, wow, like people and there's everyone just has this like insane origin story like everyone. And then you think of like how many billions of people are on the earth just living out a story right now that we don't know anything about and like every human being has layers and layers of love and loss and pain and triumph.
Speaker 2:
I mean it's overwhelming, yeah, to think about and we're all bringing it to the table and like seeing it is from our ego instead of like the world. It's all the same, like literally we're all having the shared experience, but we want to think that it's maybe like unique to us, or that our struggle, like we can't see the parallel between like you just yeah, like you're just always trying to like move up here as if you have your shit together based on what?
Speaker 1:
what is the metric? Yeah, and I think that we're seeing that that's starting to unravel. What have said is like someone having their shit together before is like the jigs up. We know it's like not really You know what I mean, like everybody's aware, and it's like it's like really hard to, because I have a my son is a junior in high school and it's really hard like understanding all this and he having this concept of like what's happening in the world and kind of these themes, and it's like what am I going to go to college for?
Speaker 1:
like what and I don't really have an answer.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, but Brendan, i had to have that same conversation. I was like don't go.
Speaker 1:
Me too, because it's like that's based on an old metric that we understand is like fictional, but in the big world, i mean, you know how many ticsx have we seen of people being like wait a minute, the world's burning and I'm writing emails, what? Yeah, that's like every day. At what point do I get to stay home? What's happening Like everybody's aware and I feel like we're just on this like wild cusp.
Speaker 2:
Aware and we're also wired for it and wired for healing. But it's exactly what you said we have all the resources that we need, but because a lot of us are stuck in this fight or flight, literally just trying to pay bills, we don't have capacity to try to feel better. We don't even know what feeling good probably is anymore.
Speaker 1:
No, it's the immediate lion chasing you How can you slow down and get quiet when there's like lion's breath upon your neck? Yeah, how can you embrace the shifting sands of change if you're overwhelmed?
Speaker 2:
But then what are the consequences if you don't You know what I mean. That's where a lot of this is. And a lot of us, unfortunately, but this is also how it works. We did have to kind of like self destruct and then figure it out. We had to go through our experience in order, and there it is create a new one.
Speaker 1:
There it is. There's the full circle moment that we've been waiting for folks, because they're there. in lies self compassion, right? Yeah, i sent you a link to this book so you can read it with me, but I just started this book called Emotional Alchemy, which, jesse, i'll give you the deets to put in our notes if anyone's interested.
Speaker 2:
Gotcha.
Speaker 1:
I mean, i've only read the first chapter, but it's basically talking about understanding mindfulness to like heal emotional wounds, using your mind to heal your heart. Basically, and, like I said, i just started it. But it's a lot about understanding what actual mindfulness is and the practice of mindfulness that you would like learn, maybe working with somebody like a therapist or something to start as a practice. And the very first thing that you can do before you understand mindfulness is, she says, having compassion for yourself, because the all the things that you're beating yourself up about and carrying around as like the wounds and things, are actually the gifts that are waiting to be like, unopened or opened, for you to discover these bigger things, and they can all. You can only unwrap them when you've experienced the contrast. So what you just said the pain and the all the things we're running from and numbing from and trying to avoid are actually the gifts, which is like the gift of self compassion, the gift of self empathy.
Speaker 1:
And then when you really start to understand that for yourself in a way that doesn't feel like conceited I don't know if there's like another word for that, but I feel like you can't think too highly of yourself because then you're just like a narcissist or you're just conceited or you're this or that, but it really isn't that. that's another like misconception of self-care. Yes, is that it's a luxury?
Speaker 1:
or you're self-indulgent, or you're obsessed with yourself or whatever, yeah it's not that it's like this is the one reason I'm here is like uncover this thing, inward and onward, always, oh. And then I'm always like so surprised when my life falls apart and I'm like why? Why, i was doing so. Well, i'm healed, i'm. I go to retreats, okay, why am I a disaster again? Oh, because I have more stuff to learn. Okay, great, got it, but I always fight it for good hearty three months before I'm finally, like you said, i recognize that I'm out on the edge. Yeah, it takes me a little while longer. Hashtag reluctant pilgrim. We still need those shirts.
Speaker 2:
I know, do we want? I know you're just talking about one of books that you're reading do we want to talk about our? listener question Yes yes, please, i don't have it in front of me, so I'm just gonna summarize it and I can we just I'm gonna say it's from our beautiful and lovely friend, carla Carla we know she's listening 3-3-3.
Speaker 1:
She's our number one fan.
Speaker 2:
She was curious. and if you're starting down this path of for lack of a better word spiritual awakening, self-care, self-love, discovery, reading like books, podcasts, where can we go? how can we learn more? Where do we start? I have a couple right out of the gate, untamed by Glenn Doyle.
Speaker 1:
Glenn is that what you say Glennon Yep Must read. That's an absolute must read.
Speaker 2:
We actually whoa get ready for this connection. There's a part in her book I listen to books put it up for her book but that I was moving, driving from Minnesota to Utah, and literally questioning all my life decisions because I just packed up and moved down with no plan, no place to like I'm crashing at my parents with Brendan. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. The entire drive I was like turn around, don't do it Like fighting my own, go back to what you know It was also. Yeah, exactly, go back to safety. Right, it was also when I was figuring out some of this nervous system dysfunction that I was having, or at least identifying it as that. There's a part in her book that talks about she calls it kind of like speaking to God or tapping into calm, and she recognized too that she had an issue regulating her nervous system, and so she started just for a few minutes today sitting in on the floor of her closet in her room.
Speaker 1:
Where are the holiest things happen? Around the whole yeah.
Speaker 2:
Like we usually mind in the car, lots of road trips, talking out loud, showers, showers, showers all those good times to think about. She had this line that she said that she wanted to be able to tap into this calm, this place of confidence and love and knowing, anytime, anywhere, And so it started in her closet and then she found herself more or less kind of mastering the skill when she was in front of like a boardroom of people having to make a really hard decision, and she was able to breathe, tap into that calm and make the decision. And I was like that is what I want, that's what I need. I need to be able to have peace wherever I go, not just like when I am frantically out on the edge and need to come back. There's so many nuggets in that book.
Speaker 1:
Well, and I mean, if you had to identify that, like she said, the calm or the God or whatever it's like, and me right as someone who has gotten to witness you or evolution. it's like you're coming home to your authentic self is what that is, and like radical self-acceptance, no longer trying to change or appear in a way that others would think I have my shit together. You're releasing all of that and you're just like accepting that this is it.
Speaker 2:
this is who I am and finding all the tools to live peacefully there, that's awesome. I'm trying to think. I have a couple other on Breathe, by James Nester, if you want to learn more about the mind blowing history of breathing. To the point where our breathing used to be so efficient, our skulls were different, like our monkey version. Selves wouldn't have needed braces, they didn't snore nothing. But because our breathing has become such garbage, our actual bone structures have changed. It will blow your mind. It's so good, oh my God.
Speaker 2:
That's James Nester. I'm trying to think what else? Oh, becoming supernatural. Have you read that, Mandy?
Speaker 1:
Joe dispends is really intense And I would say I would. I'm about halfway through that actually And I had to kind of set it, set it off to the side and take a Joe to spend a break. It's a lot. Because it's a lot, i would recommend that for somebody who's ready maybe to take it to the next level. But 100%, we should talk about that more. I didn't know you were reading that.
Speaker 2:
I haven't read it So like I'm actually have such a bad reader. That's why I listen a lot. No, that's so good It counts When I read things. I like don't necessarily read things in order either. I like just like hop to.
Speaker 1:
You're typical. Let me just talk about the anagram soon, so stay tuned for that. We'll explain that later.
Speaker 2:
Tell me what to do. I really like it. This is probably a little more sciencey, but the body keeps score.
Speaker 1:
Oh, that's super important.
Speaker 2:
And that talks about how trauma manifests in the body too.
Speaker 1:
Yes, Thank you for sharing those. Those are like must when we talk about the work, the inward and onward. this is the stuff I would say for me, and I know a couple people out there who might be listening to this who are going to laugh when they hear me say this, because I know we've had this conversation. I'll tell a quick story before I share. I love tick tock. I think I've already shared that here. That's fine. I'm not embarrassed by it anymore. I think it's a beautiful of 2022. Anyways.
Speaker 1:
so there was this guy who I follow on there. I don't even know his real name. His tick tock handle is the introverted millionaire. So if you feel inspired, go follow him. but he had some great little tick tocks about meditation and different I don't know kind of cool stuff. And one time I was on tick tock late at night when I should have been asleep regulating my nervous system, and he was live on tick tock, like answering people's questions, and there was only like 30 people in his chat And I was like what?
Speaker 1:
So I jump on there and I like you know I was listening and he's like answering people's questions. I'm like, well, shit, i'm going to see if he'll talk to me. You know, i got on there and of course I was like a weird fan girl, a pick me girl. for a second I was like I really like your content. And then I was like all right guy, who I don't know at all, if you could recommend one book, the book that you would recommend, if you get one shot to tell somebody to read something that could like change their life and like get them on the course to like personal development, spiritual awakening, blah, blah, blah, what would it be? And I was like so anticipating like something just really juicy. like hit me with some Simon cynic, you know, hit me with an Oprah.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, hit me with.
Speaker 1:
You know, like I was ready, I was like gonna Amazon it immediately, without hesitation. He responds with the book You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, And I was like huh, Now listen, if you don't know who Louise Hay is, I always explain this as like she's like the Jacqueline of like affirmations. She looks like Doris Day She is past now, but she was around for a while Little kind of older blonde lady. She is like really known for positive affirmations.
Speaker 1:
I was a little disappointed when he said you can heal your life by Louise Hay. I'm like really, Boo, Come on, Like I was ready to like be super fucking intellectual and deep and I was just like really hating on it, Cause I'm like that wimpy deer, like, okay, a little Sam watch out out.
Speaker 1:
Anyway, but he was like without hesitation. He's like that is literally where to start Anybody who is ready to do the work. That's the book. So I was kind of a hater for a few days, and this was just last year, so this wasn't like the first groundbreaking book you know I had ever read for myself, but it is now the one I recommend to everyone.
Speaker 1:
So, last year, when I was still male prepping and stuff. I would be cooking like all day Saturday, And so I would listen to a lot of books on tape. I kind of got the download to listen to it And I was like oh so guess what?
Speaker 1:
All Louise Hay's books are free. Audio books are free on YouTube, every single one. You can listen for free on YouTube to every single book she ever made, cause she's a bad bitch. Okay, I pulled up Louise Hay, you can heal your life on YouTube because I wasn't going to pay for it. I was just like trying to prove the introverted millionaire wrong. You know, I was like, oh, this cheesy ass Listen. It was like five hours And I listened to the whole thing in its entirety. Wow, I mean, you have to get past, like the obvious. Like you know, the vibe is a little like it's very like 90s-ish, like kind of it's a little-.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, that's what this surprises me.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it's a little dorky at first It's like hello, Cheesy, But if you can like, accept that and just like, get past that and move beyond that to like the content, bro. And then she gets you at the very end by sharing her story The whole time. You're thinking this is so lame. She simply starts with like just telling yourself, looking in the mirror and saying I accept myself. Like I'm not even going to start with, I love myself, but like can you accept yourself? I accept myself as a human. Some people can't even start with that.
Speaker 1:
Like, have a really hard time looking at themselves in the mirror One of the ladies that I love, who I was training for years. She hated working out in front of the mirror even to look at her own form Because that was such a struggle for her, And she has such like self-loathing listening to Louise Hay and she's sharing like all these concepts about everything we've been talking about, basically How you speak to yourself. What you think about yourself actually manifests physically in your body and in your like experience, And she gives very, very clear directions on how to start to change that in a way.
Speaker 1:
That's like perfect for somebody who's like not delved into the woo woo stuff yet, and so that's what I recommend. All the time I send that link like crazy I would say probably nine times out of 10, nobody's listening to that shit When I send it to them, just like I wasn't gonna. When he told me that book, i was like, okay, whatever, she's got hundreds of books. She actually ended up starting her own publishing company, hay House Publishing is What Is Louise Hay, and that is where a lot of like Joe to spend his books, i'm pretty sure published through Hay House.
Speaker 1:
The other book I was gonna give as an answer to this question is Gabrielle Bernstein. She is published through Hay House. Her book The Universe Has Your Back is the book for anybody who is like starting to have a spiritual awakening and start to like wonder what all this like woo woo stuff is. That's where I would start. Either, louise Hay, you Can Heal Your Life, which is more of the internal, like trauma work and tools Specifically for spiritual awakening. It would be Gabrielle Bernstein, the Universe Has Your Back.
Speaker 2:
Those are my recommends.
Speaker 1:
Listen, I am team Louise. I'll send a link right now. Send me your email. I'll send it to you. Look it up.
Speaker 2:
Right now. We'll post them up, cause I have a couple of podcasts too that are a little more sciencey, like Sean Modell, which he can be a little out there, but again, we like to hear all sides of all the stories.
Speaker 1:
We love it All the sides.
Speaker 2:
Stop chasing pain. And then I use this app called Libby. If you heard of this, it's essentially a library app And you just put in your library card. If you don't have one, you just get one for free online and access any library you want and borrow a book.
Speaker 1:
No way, are you serious? I forgot I was gonna send that to you, that's the come up of all time right there on this podcast.
Speaker 2:
ladies and gentlemen, Libby, i'll put it up there. It's free, okay, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:
We are a gift to humanity. We are a gift to humanity. We are a gift to humanity. We are a gift to humanity. I'm just kidding, i'm so sorry, let's be like free stuff.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
Listen times. in these unprecedented times, i need Libby for sure. Oh my God, Listen. time always flies when you're having fun. Thank you so much for joining me again. Here we are. Here we are Sam and Charlie. Sam and Charlie. See you next week, everybody.