In this episode, Rachel and Mandi reflect over the past year's successes, as well as the trials and tribulations, the duo has experienced as they continued to find their authentic selves through coaching/mentoring, retreats, and podcasting.
Want a podcast like the "Spill Your Guts w/Rachel and Mandi" Podcast? Look no further! I'm Jpaddy from Paddybandwagon.com, your podcasting partner. DM or comment "blessed" on our Instagram @paddybandwagon, and you'll unlock a special offer exclusively for fans of the "Spill Your Guts w/Rachel and Mandi" Podcast. Together, we'll embark on a podcasting journey that will captivate and engage your listeners. Visit Paddybandwagon.com and let's make your podcast dreams a reality.
In this episode, Rachel and Mandi reflect over the past year's successes, as well as the trials and tribulations, the duo has experienced as they continued to find their authentic selves through coaching/mentoring, retreats, and podcasting.
Want a podcast like the "Spill Your Guts w/Rachel and Mandi" Podcast? Look no further! I'm Jpaddy from Paddybandwagon.com, your podcasting partner. DM or comment "blessed" on our Instagram @paddybandwagon, and you'll unlock a special offer exclusively for fans of the "Spill Your Guts w/Rachel and Mandi" Podcast. Together, we'll embark on a podcasting journey that will captivate and engage your listeners. Visit Paddybandwagon.com and let's make your podcast dreams a reality.
Oh yeah, here it comes. Well, this joke ever get old, i don't know. Welcome to the Spill Your Guts podcast.
Speaker 2:Here comes, drop the.
Speaker 1:Beat with me. I feel like if you're a listener, you're doing it with me. You're bopping your head in the car. You know, i know you are Fat beats. Oh my God, welcome back to this Spill Your Guts podcast where we have Rachel Don Prairie has returned. I'm back. Let me just tell you, don't ever effin leave me alone on this podcast again. Oh my gosh, i got my ass kicked last week by Marcy Walker. I wish I had video. Shout out, marcy, i love you, but, gosh, i wasn't there to defend my little friend.
Speaker 2:She needed you. Leave her alone.
Speaker 1:No, it was all good, it was good stuff, You know sometimes, you know, sometimes I just I was telling Marcy it's like I typically am more comfortable being like the big sister energy that bulldozes everyone else. So every now and then, you know, you just gotta get bulldozed back. So it was really good. Though It was really good, i mean, of course it turned into like a personal spiritual coaching session at the end that everybody just got to kind of like be the audience of.
Speaker 2:Good They got to know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it was, it was good. So how are you? How was Chicago?
Speaker 2:I love Chicago. I had forgotten. I don't think I had I've flown through or like stopped by, but I hadn't actually like stayed downtown amongst the people and the energy in the city and the good food and shopping.
Speaker 1:Yes, since, like pre COVID times, Oh, so you had a good trip.
Speaker 2:I had such a good trip.
Speaker 1:I saw your picture on the. on your story You're like somebody needs to come watch this bean.
Speaker 2:Listen, the bean was don't touch it. Yeah, was it looking good or sterile?
Speaker 1:It has come in. That's funny. Well listen, jesse. You know it wouldn't be as fully as the podcast episode without me asking you What the hell episode is this? I think we're 13. This is lucky number 13. Oh my gosh, which means we are drawing pretty near to our season finale.
Speaker 2:We are 2022. Wrapping it. What happened? Dear God, dear.
Speaker 1:God in heaven, can you literally believe that? it's like the holidays? We're talking about year end. We're talking about we do a little tradition each year, which I'm going to talk about a little later but we, how long have we been doing this tradition together?
Speaker 2:I don't know. At least I was, because I was trying to remember all my words from like previous years. I think at least four or five, yeah, at least, because remember originally you did like the bracelets. Yeah, yeah, and that was like the first year that I did it. So when was that? That was a longer than that That was in 2017.
Speaker 1:That I started that with my team. Yeah, so you've been doing it with us all along.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, i would have cried. So basically I know that's crazy And my first word that I ever chose, that I still like live and die by, is persist. So basically I'll explain it. So what we do is we choose a word of intention for the upcoming year, as a new year's sort of thing. I mean, i hate to do a resolution because that's weird. I think that puts too much pressure on people and you know we've seen that movie. It's a bar, but also it's kind of funny because the word of intention can kind of sneak up on that ass too. You know, like you think, i remember one time one of my really good friends, her word she chose was joy And it was a challenge throughout the year. She had to like look intentionally, look for and like cultivate joy in the year she had. But it was one of those things that kind of like anchored her all year.
Speaker 2:Yes, So you know, that's how it works for me. I was even thinking because I was like okay, what are my last couple words? So 2021. I was I can't remember at my word changed because the it came out at the point at our first retreat together.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, and it came out so organically.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, that's what the hell I've been talking about. Or like that's what I've been wanting. It was freedom. Like that was the words And that was your word all year And then that that was just the organic theme And I was like okay, universe, god. I remember the original word you chose was power.
Speaker 1:And then it was clearly freedom which is, which is the ultimate power, Right? And you, you say you've seen that like sort of woven throughout your whole year. Oh yeah, Because then in 20 this year I think, I switched back to power Apparently.
Speaker 2:I just like want that Or something like that, like you want that or something, oh, but I oh, you power. But I think the word I actually like that came out of it. What I was actually trying to get at was really like that, empowered feminine energy and having balance between my masculine family.
Speaker 2:So either it was like empowerment or balance, like power still wasn't quite the right word, but that was the theme of the year for me Is this like empowered, embodied, divine feminine leaning on my masculine when I needed, but not living there And in turn, holy shit, now that I'm saying this out loud, i feel powerful. Yeah, i just blew my own mind. It's sweaty from that. I like a big role.
Speaker 1:You channeled. Okay, thank you for joining us for this episode of slayer guts. I do that with fire.
Speaker 1:You know, what's interesting is, i was listening to a YouTube, like a Bob Proctor YouTube, this morning and he was talking about like why it's important to write down. He had this whole thing about like writing down your intention for the day seven times and he was saying that and I can send you the link to that one so we can include it in our notes, because it was a really goodie. It was a really goodie, but he was talking about how words are symbols and symbols are powerful in regards to. You know, starting your morning with like writing out like the, not just saying them or whatever like actually writing them out is like symbolic, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I was thinking about that in regards to like knowing we were going to podcast today and talk about our words and talk about this other little treat that you cooked up for us. And so, before you share that, i will say that I struggled a little bit with this task that you're going to tell everybody about in a second, because I was thinking about my word for 2022, which was elevate was the word I chose, and I'm going to read I went back and found the definition that, like I resonated with, and it's increased the level or amount of something, especially the level of a component of a person's blood, which I thought was interesting raise or lift something up to a higher position, or raising the access of a piece of artillery to increase its range. And so when I chose that word, like late 2021, i was like, oh yeah, time to elevate. We're going to just you know, we're just going to kick everyone in the ass and have all the haters and I'm going to show everyone.
Speaker 1:and literally could not have been more opposite of how my years unfolded and I was like screw this word. and I was like literally like how embarrassing. I'm not going to do this word challenge anymore, this bullshit, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:I didn't elevate shit And you know what happened to me as I was having that little pity party for myself, i got a little like vision, like a flight I hate to say vision, that sounds ridiculous but a little flash in my head like a download of you know that scene in Aladdin where he gets like cuffed with the, with the ball and chain and thrown into the ocean.
Speaker 1:Yes, and Jeannie has to like a moment, yeah, and he like sinks down and then he like starts to fizzle out and then Jeannie comes and like releases him. I got that. I like that flashed into my memory and I started really thinking about it the rest of today and I was like, huh, okay, so elevating is like rising up from something and like the way I was thinking about it was like, okay, you know, i'm going to come up out of this whatever and prove to everybody and blah, blah, blah. But really it was about like allowing all of the things that are dead to sink and and then go, literally go down with it really and and allow myself to be cut free from that weight, literally, figuratively, spiritually, emotionally, all the things. That's what it's been.
Speaker 2:So it wasn't a wasted word, i just I yeah, I was about to call you out for that because because I seen, all I've seen from you this year is that exact thing is like rise and rise, and rise and rise, but it also required a lot of like cutting ties, yes, and ego death and all that shadow work that is bullshitting, all that Cajding That was your word.
Speaker 1:So why don't you tell everyone your little idea coach, that you have cooked up for us, for our, for our next couple of episodes here, as we wrap up our first season of Spill Your Guts? Tell them what. tell them what you made me do.
Speaker 2:Confess. This whole podcast is really about how uncomfortable can I make Mandy? We've done some tarot, we've done all sorts of things And this year I thought, like the last couple episodes, like how are we going to kind of wind this down, take a little pause and then ramp back up in 2023. And, like we've done, we've done different types of letters to ourselves before our future self, that we open a year from now, our child, her inner child, like all that, right, but I wanted to do a letter to our January 2022 selves. So, if we can go back to the beginning of the year, knowing and having done all the things, what would we tell ourselves then that we know now And, as a result, maybe not spent the day spiraling and crying, crying.
Speaker 1:I just like screw this podcast thing, i'm out, please, please, don't leave. And then we were both like, no, this is what it is. You can't have a podcast called spill your guts, where you're trying to like, tell everyone to show up as their authentic self in their life and then, like, get scared of being real, like we. Just we have the same thing happen to us every week and all these different ways. And so thank you to those of us who are all along the journey with us, The universe is probably like could we be any more obvious?
Speaker 2:Like what else do you need us to do?
Speaker 1:So what we, what I? I I do not tell Rachel Prairie, no, it is. If anybody just I bitch and complain, I resist, but my ass still ends up out on hikes, i still end up having to do stuff. I still end up in Arkansas, somehow In the cold water, yeah, i still end up polar plunging Like. So I definitely wrote a letter, but who wants to go first? Cause, i don't think I can just like, I think I'm just going to have to read mine.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, cause I started to write it in a letter form and then I realized so much had happened. We would be here all day listening to just me reading the letter to myself. So I was like, okay, I'm going to organize by months and like little bullet points and highlights and honestly, a lot of low lights Like it's going to we're about to share.
Speaker 1:We're getting real.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this isn't the highlight reel of Instagram. This is going to be all the things, which is why we were crying today.
Speaker 1:Yes, Well and before and before we start, can we?
Speaker 1:now? we are actually inviting anyone who wants to join us in this. You obviously like don't have to send us your letter or like share it on any public forum or anything like that, but we would love to hear from you, like, if you choose to, to do this exercise with us, and we've got a little follow up exercise for next week, so you know just a little something to keep you coming back. Yeah, we would love for you to do this and interact with us and let us know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's a good exercise. It's something. I don't write things down as much as I think I should, mostly because I never remember. So, like, even if I have a really good idea, i'd be like that was amazing And then 10 minutes later I'd be like, what did I say? Like, so it's like things. So to review the whole year, i was like, oh, no wonder, i feel crazy.
Speaker 1:No, thanks for making sense. You know what, though And I feel if I'm repeating myself, i'm sorry, but I felt like as hard as it was to like really kind of spread all that out and look at it It was really grounding and it helped me feel like, right now, i think, like at the end of the year especially being in fitness right You kind of get this weird pressure of like How am I going to show up and like that? that whole thing, that whole hustle culture thing, starts to like pop up everywhere, and you feel like this weird pressure and yeah, so I was a little nervous about, but it was very grounding to me to be like Oh shit, i actually made it through some shit this year, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I was worried about like it would turn into my the new year new year.
Speaker 1:Yeah right.
Speaker 2:All the bullshit, because I've done some of this stuff in my past for work, even like, like going through your accomplishments and I'm like No, that's not what this is. This is like. this is more of like. this is stuff that happened, but like the feeling, the work that I've done, like the, it's a lot deeper than that, so that's a good call out. like when you do this, it's not like how did I perform this year exactly? not like a performance review, it's like a heart spill your heart of the like the real.
Speaker 1:I would even say it's a way to practice holding space for yourself. Do you know what I'm saying? like to go back even just in your mind, in your memory, and like because that's kind of what I had to do I literally went and looked through like my socials to see like what I was posting, to sort of like connect with that energy of like what, where I, what, what I was doing at the time. And, man, i really felt that like I was holding space for myself because I remember I mean, it's still so fresh, it's only been a year right like I remember some of how I was feeling in those exact moments, and like to now sit in that feeling with like the wisdom that I have now, it's interesting. So, even though I was begrudging, i do thank you, so it's pretty powerful. I feel like you got to go first. I feel like you got to lead the way, coach.
Speaker 2:Okay. Well, like I said, my name is kind of started as a letter and that turned more into like itemize things, because it was just very emotionally intense. Are we? are we?
Speaker 1:allowed to stop and like commentary back and forth a little bit.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, i get passionate about something. Okay, yes, okay, good, because I'm so reject girl, we did have a whole year together.
Speaker 2:We really did and that was part of it, like literally on my list every month I saw you. It was like Mandy, mandy, podcast, mandy, so I just started and you can start. You can always start your thing however you want, but I just did, dear January 2022, self the year of 40. And that was really like the theme that I held on to the majority of the year, because I wanted to go and guns blazing, i wanted to share and show with women in particular that, like, your life isn't over, it's actually just beginning.
Speaker 1:And you really did dude. You literally like blazed that all year you did not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i made it to the summer and I was like I'm tired.
Speaker 1:It's like let's go to Vegas. I'm still, i'm still not hydrated.
Speaker 2:We're still not hydrated. So I and I I don't know how like I kind of it's so weird how your brain kind of just like blocks things out or like oh, onto the next thing. But I had kind of like forgot that I spent the entire month of January in the state of Washington. Do you remember that, my God? Because I originally and you know what's so interesting is that like in the weeks leading up to it, i was like my gut was like this is a bad idea, don't go right. And but I had already paid for the Airbnb, i had already like done all the things, and so I was like I got to go, like I'm not getting this money back. I wasn't ready like to eat it. So when on the road trip and I also realize a theme of mine this year is I love road trips where I drive alone I like I think I have my best thoughts, i'm quiet, i'm still, i'm trapped alone with my thoughts Totally.
Speaker 1:I could not agree with you more. There's no where to share the ox with anyone You know. Yes, yes, yeah, get out of here. We're listening to Harry.
Speaker 2:Styles. The entire fight me. It's very therapeutic. I went on several lengthy, like several day long road trips this year and they were extremely therapeutic. And I forgot, too, that January, or like before COVID, actually 2020. I went to Costa Rica for almost a month and like, spent I like, and maybe need lots of alone time where I travel alone, like I just like it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I love that. So I went on this and I almost didn't make it. I got stuck in the past. I don't even know what it's called, but people there know what it is. I got stuck in my first, even though, having grown up in Minnesota Blizzard, snowstorm, so scared that I was not going to make it. I didn't have chains in my tires, i was calling a local business owner and it was so scary. And then I ended up at a hotel. The power went out overnight, there was no heat. I was huddled together with strangers like sharing beef jerky. Oh my God. Literally the universe was like hey, remember when you said this was a bad idea. Like we're still trying to stop you.
Speaker 1:You were like let's go, i forgot you went there.
Speaker 2:I dude yeah, that's kind of blowing my mind, so got there and my intention was to like eat good food, have good coffee and then hike my ass off like in the Pacific Northwest. I got all the way there and I got COVID for the first time and I was so sick I didn't leave Airbnb for three of the four weeks.
Speaker 1:And then I'm laughing at you.
Speaker 2:But again, the universe still still yeah was like bitch, yeah. You said like, do you mean what you say? So I ended up getting to finally hike and go to see some of the cool things. One of the reasons I went there is I've had this recurring dream since I was little about a beach there that I didn't know existed until I was an adult, and so I felt called to go to this area and it was so heavy and like, so like dark, aesthetic rainforest, like it was everything I wanted it to be.
Speaker 1:It was like very Edward Cohen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, very like emo hair, like wearing like you know, like just whatever. No one can see me on camera right now, but I'm She's been bodily. However, there was some ideas about myself and some relationship things and stuff that I needed to be sat down with and like let go of. Finally, it was also a good like cleansing, to move on, and when I got back, i decided to do my first strongman in February.
Speaker 1:So of course. So what would you tell that set, that Rachel who went on that road trip despite all the obstacles?
Speaker 2:One trust your gut, listen to yourself, and also that I don't need to let go or have closure, like physically, like locationally, like I can do the work without having to go to a place, talk to people like I had. Because I originally, before I got the house in Utah, i was very seriously like looking at moving to the state of Washington and then had committed, got a house, decided not to. There was no reason to still go like it was. You know what I mean. It was done and finalized. But I was like this one last go around. There it is, and that's my. That's when I'm, you know, like for me it's. I always think like you let go and then it's over. But that's not how it works, at least not for me. Like you let go and then let go again and again and again and again. So you die, yeah, forever.
Speaker 1:So it's like so do you think that that experience early on in the year really did push you into doing strongman and stepping into that new passion of yours?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because so in February, without going like too much into some things, but like I essentially like love returned to my self, like my body, with strongman, with like a person in my life And I wouldn't have been able to even think or consider about that without having gone on this trip in January where I was able to like sit alone in a car, walk around in a quiet rainforest alone and like really work through some of this stuff, so strongman, and made also some other like amazing friends out of strongman to that are just like my biggest fans. It was in February. I don't talk about it a lot because he doesn't want to talk about it but my dad was diagnosed with very far along kidney disease And that was a really hard one for me because I I don't know and maybe other people think about this too, depending on the relationship with your parents, but I'm an only child I have. This is some weird, but I've thought about my parents dying since I was little. Yeah, like I That doesn't know it.
Speaker 1:Weird actually, it doesn't.
Speaker 2:Okay, i just I feel like I've been preparing for it forever, like, and now, and what? 40? such a weird age. because, like I have kind of an adult kid and I have parents and I feel like I'm parents to both of them, yeah, yeah, it's a weird position. I can see why a lot of like 40 year old, especially females in particular, like feel this stress because you're like bouncing your own shit, yeah, and then like your younger family and then like aging parents is weird.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a weird in between. for sure, for sure, yeah.
Speaker 2:So that hit me hard. I was glad I was in Utah, i was glad I stayed. I got lots of like affirmation I'm way better now. He was all messed up for a while, but that was another big one in February, that like that. I was like ah, oh, yeah, and because my dad's my guy too, like we know this. I love my mom, but me and my dad, like that's my person.
Speaker 1:He's my person too. He's a silver fox. I Can't help it Break. If you're listening, i miss your pasta. Uh, jeff.
Speaker 2:Ricardo is the people call him. So February was was a lot of like kind of highs and lows and and love came back around and I was very resistant to it.
Speaker 1:Did you say like then to your February self like just hang on, bitch, because love is on the way.
Speaker 2:Hang on, godspeed, um, march actually turned 40 finally, even though I'd been celebrating all along and then kicked off, i didn't realize this. No wonder I'm tired. I went to, i traveled to 23 states this year, 23 in Canada and I was like, oh, that might be why I'm tired. I kicked off a work tour which is just like my favorite thing to do with my job. I get to train trainers, i get to teach, i get to travel, i I got to connect with some new friends that I like new on social but had never met in real life. And Then also we had a meet-up with it was called something else at the time, but our kind of our meet-up with until death, which was like a new group that my bestie Ashley and I Yeah, shout out, Ashley.
Speaker 1:Shout out until death community. We're gonna talk more about that coming up. It's so good.
Speaker 2:Yes it was a community of people that I didn't know I needed And a project that is like it's similar to retreats, like it's very like heart led, like it's something that I love to do And people that I love to support. So that fired up in Texas. Where were we? right outside of San Antonio and then kind of April May Hi.
Speaker 1:Begin retreat season.
Speaker 2:Retreat season, and this is where I would say like, especially because it was like a pause in my other work, travel but I would say this was the biggest year for me of spiritual growth and And that retreat, which will host it again in May 2023, yeah, that retreat was the first thing, the first time where I was like I think it's time for me to go all in. Yeah, like I can't deny this anymore.
Speaker 1:You weren't flirting with woo-woo anymore. You know I had to fully sit on its lap.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hi, merry Christmas. So that that particular, it was that group of women, the agenda, the energy.
Speaker 1:We had some other really like Heavy hitter healers Yeah, i was Listen, if you can follow us to any retreat guys that we're gonna be doing this next year, i would save the date, for is it still? it's in May, right? Mother's Day weekend, or maybe the weekend after. We didn't change the date, it's somewhere.
Speaker 2:It's worth the journey.
Speaker 1:It's worth the travel, it's worth the journey And it's just the point. Retreats shout out Krista and the team. It's just the absolute most special place and we're gonna have her on next in our next season So we can talk more specifically about the point.
Speaker 2:But yeah, that retreat that we did in the kickoff retreat was pretty powerful for sure, yeah, i hands down the the most powerful thing I've ever been a part of when it comes to like the spiritual work and just the again as I, as my word, was forming in this, like Summoning energy was coming around, like it was full of that like it was just like I was like Oh, i can feel like this all the time I'm in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, done isn't it weird though, too?
Speaker 1:actually, i'm sorry and I'm interrupting, but it's like Because we talk a lot about, like our passion for retreats on the podcast, right, yes, and it's so interesting because I think that, no matter who you are or where you come from, everyone kind of has that experience. In a space like that, like It's like. It's like you get the permission to just fully be yourself, mm-hmm, like you get to lay down all the masks, like you don't, like I, you know I can talk about woo-woo stuff and be and talk about spiritual stuff, like in a lot of settings, because it comes up, because it's like This is our life, it's out here on the internet, mm-hmm, but I still find myself, you know, like choosing language. That, like you know, isn't you know like. And in a retreat it's like instant community, It's like the human experience Concentrated. You just immediately fall in love with everyone that you're there to experience it, that moment in time with, and you get to fully just lay it all down and be your full self and, yes, it's so powerful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just like that woo-woo Energy immersion and even I think like even of at this last one in particular, like that, even there was a few people not like Resistant, but it's like you're called there for a reason like. I feel like that particular retreat. There is a calling like the, the people that attend, even if they're not like I don't know. That's kind of weird. In deep down, yeah, they're into it.
Speaker 1:It's like. It's like everyone was handpicked.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that was the the time there were just again some of those things that, like a physical evidence, something happened multiple times there that I could no longer deny that this is real Absolutely, and I it was. It's almost like how people, like you know, think about faith, religion, like, if I can't see it, it's not really. We saw it. Yeah, it's real, i literally saw it, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and would you say then that that would be something you would tell like whisper in the ear of your may self, like yeah, I'd be like bitch The spirits gonna grab you Welcome aboard.
Speaker 2:You're gonna see and hear things that you didn't think were possible and I'd be like whatever, whatever you say, and then may hit, and I got to see Mandy again and Carla, it was the year Yep.
Speaker 1:Well, because we were also turning 40 this year and we jumped on here This is 40 bandwagon.
Speaker 2:Oh, It was. It was our 3, 3, 3 1982 portal. They Venture.
Speaker 1:It was literally like 24 hours, because we're tired.
Speaker 2:It was like listen, i got, i got a lot of stuff to do.
Speaker 1:Harry Styles new album.
Speaker 2:So and I my intention was to go to my first like EDM, edc concert, which we decided.
Speaker 1:It's probably a bit much for us old gals. No offense, i know people like go to EDC, like beyond it, doesn't it like beyond age or anything. But like I had no idea, no, no, i.
Speaker 2:Was not ready.
Speaker 1:I was like someone's mom, you gotta go home. I got a sandwich. I need protein. What the hell It's going on out here.
Speaker 2:Oh My god, those kids. We call them the kids, The kids we went with like they were just they. They literally Come here. Let me fix your pasty We need to do prom.
Speaker 1:We made a prom pick and they're like string Outfits. They were wearing awesome. May I ask how old were they? Oh, they were young ins 35 no.
Speaker 2:Jesse just checking they were like Brendan's a. They were like in 20, 21 like 22. Yeah, they were the kids, And you know what we I, we still keep in touch with their sweet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're like the weird festival fairy moms that came in and just do you give them life advice.
Speaker 2:Well, no, we were some fire tarot readings, though We did that we did we did do that. They were some of them. Hey, when you go to a festival.
Speaker 1:You? are this a time commitment bud? Okay, like we didn't hardly see their ass, to be honest, cuz they were Just till dawn. You know, I'm just not built like that. They didn't need to sleep.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no.
Speaker 1:I, I Mean I know I know like loosely about the culture, but now I've seen it and I'm like I'm good, you know They're very impressive. Yeah, I just don't have the stamina?
Speaker 2:No, i really think so. Okay. So, having said all that, I didn't end up getting to go, and I'm gonna try to finish the sentence. I already cried about it today, so I don't need to do it again. But my Dog was dying quick, fast, so I literally was dressed, ready to go and The vet called and was like you need to get here now to say goodbye. So I flew, which is wild if I think about it, because, like Mandy was there at that moment And like that was, even though, like whatever, i didn't get to it, you see, we still had a great time, like the night that we had a great time and honestly, i will never ever forget the look on your face when you Came over to me and you said that yeah, i, i was like in shock because it was, it was a surprise.
Speaker 2:It was just undetected cancer With no, like I saw. And you know what's weird? actually, in hindsight, when I left for that trip, i Like paused and like looked at her. Like there was a moment where I like knew and I had a dream about it. Actually Remember, yep, like the night before I had a dream that she died and then the next day I got a call.
Speaker 1:Yep. No, I remember, and that was why we were kind of freaked out like it was. I was one of those moments Like have you ever experienced, when time just kind of suspends for a second?
Speaker 2:and you're just kind of like And yeah, that's what it felt like it was like whoa.
Speaker 1:Yes, and then it was like okay, we like loaded your shit in the car You ended up with like a suitcase of my toiletries member and you had it like We had to go.
Speaker 2:All the kids were packing up and little Little Gabby, who's had our little mushroom costume I don't know if she's a little snail or something, but Gabby actually like she's going back to school to be a vet and she is very like animal centric, mm-hmm. And then I just like saw her in the doorway and just like it was like you need to like collapse, like hold, like I knew, like she could, she, yeah, absolutely. But I just I do think it was weird. Not weird, but if we know who and how it works, the universe was like no, you're not going to EDC Because this hard thing is gonna happen, but don't worry, cuz Mandy's there and you're still gonna make it in time to say goodbye and All the things. But like it was just and oh, and here's a dream, help, you know, letting you know that this is coming. The number of dreams I've had where things come real is Actually alarming.
Speaker 1:Dream journal.
Speaker 2:Dream journal. Well, i gotta you know what we're just gonna say, because it's a podcast.
Speaker 1:I got a high journal.
Speaker 2:It's all your best work, which I I need to tell you what one of the things that I wrote down last.
Speaker 1:Can't wait. I'm sure you'll make me do it and put it on the podcast.
Speaker 2:So may was I a lot of grieving. I'm still. I still like it's my dog, so it was like a soulmate of mine, like she, you know, was witnessed to a lot of really hard things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's like journeyed with you through several versions of yourself. What do you think if somebody would have told you, if you would have known in January We're gonna lose soca this year? I.
Speaker 2:Would have probably limited all travel that I could I would have had. I would have definitely Stayed closer to home, spent more time gone and more hikes, all the things, more treats, all the treats, totally. But yeah, i do feel, and and out of that too, like when I got back, my parents were there, brendan and Abbie, his sweet girlfriend, were there, and I also. It was very grounding, like Brent, like Brendan's, my person, yeah, like it was that there was a moment where you're like oh yeah, these are my people. Like when I pulled up, they were all there waiting totally.
Speaker 2:So it was just, i know. So it was all like some hard moments, but also like just good reminders that, like you know, yes, your soulmates gone one of them, but you have plenty more. Yeah and I got to see them all in a short period of time Between you and then, like, getting back and I was like, oh, hello, okay.
Speaker 1:I mean like you were being supported, like from beginning to end. through that for sure, yes, yes.
Speaker 2:And then later that month Brendan moved out in with his girlfriend and some roommates, which made my the house very, very empty. But I realized that I also was happy to be alone again, like to have my own space, especially because I was traveling so much and then I needed that downtime. Sure, june Mandy.
Speaker 1:Surprise This one. we went to Sedona. Shout out, ariel.
Speaker 2:We went and you came to Minnesota.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, see I did not do. See, this is going to be fun because Rachel's is like an itemized thing that like is helping me actually like be like. oh yeah, i did more like I'm going to just put my letter because I was more like big want to be poet about it.
Speaker 2:Well, classic us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I forgot, I got flown out to do a random It was going to be like a retreat team dinner and Christa was like, hey, we're going to have this team dinner. You want to come out? I'm like you want to fly me to Minnesota for dinner? Absolutely, I was like I'm going to go. It was right before my sister's wedding My youngest sister got married in June And it was a surprise.
Speaker 1:And I was like I literally, literally was in the Minneapolis airport, right, i just got off the plane going ahead into baggage claim and I literally looked up and I'm like I remember specifically going what the fuck am I doing here again? Why am I here? Minnesota calls to me And I know is that all you guys had planned me a surprise like 40th birthday party with all of like our retreat alumni ladies, and I was totally surprised and humbled and still not over it, to be honest.
Speaker 2:It was at Christa's like a beautiful far. It was like something out of like HGTV, like it was just like a Oprah, like friend.
Speaker 1:I was having a casual farm table.
Speaker 2:Like in the pasture.
Speaker 1:Listen, and that's when we discovered the loop of doom, the doomsday lullaby which is a Yeah, so I think we should pop.
Speaker 2:this is going to be a long episode.
Speaker 1:If you need to stop and you know, listen to it in parts Go ahead and do that, because we're not stopping, she's not getting out of this, but we do have to explain. We've talked about the doomsday lullaby many times and I think we should think we should tell them what it is.
Speaker 2:All right. Well, it's like here's what we end, because we also discovered, in Sedona as well, that Asia are beautiful photographer, artsy coach, friend participates in this, and well as well. So here's what it is. We were in like the other.
Speaker 1:It's like when some slumber parties grow up and you have your best friends that you spend the night with when you're in your 40s. It turns into the loop of doom.
Speaker 2:Doomsday lullaby and we you know what it was to. we even had the giggles, so bad, just like we did when we got in our first fight. But we were sleeping. We were sharing this giant oversized couch in Krista's basement and we were just like like recap. Like you think we talk a lot on this thing.
Speaker 1:You should see us in person Sometimes we should just record ourselves for no reason, just to see a spiral out of control. But it always ends up like it when we're trying to go to bed. it always ends up like on the like, like the current day is like worst problems, like we were literally talking about like the peril of politics. And then and then, like at one point Rachel's like can you stop trying to go to bed? I was like but no one can be trusted.
Speaker 2:And then I'd be like, okay, good night. And they'd be like but what about if this happens, like, and we would just go and go and go and go until we were like, okay, fine, like shut up, like we have to go to bed. I forgot about it. I just like to lie awake at night and really think about everything that's ever gone wrong in the world.
Speaker 1:Don't recommend.
Speaker 2:So if you doomsday lullaby, you know, give us a like and a follow.
Speaker 1:So after that then we were right into Sedona, right after that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were into Sedona, which was some something else, some other portal happened. But I started thinking about this Okay, so, like the point retreat was where I was like, okay, i'm, i'm near and jumping off the spiritual cliff into the world, i'm jumping off into the wherever I'm going the waters here.
Speaker 2:Sedona is where I feel like my anger popped back up and I was like, oh, this is still on healed, Like because I thought, because I had a lot of anger in the years leading up to 2022, a lot, And I just like really struggled with it, And I was like, yeah, I mean I'm healed. And then it kind of like flared back up in Sedona and I was like, oh no.
Speaker 1:I got to do this again. Well, to be fair, we did a like, an intentionally guided what Ariel's coined a rage experience.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Which we talked about in one of our first episodes. We, when we first started the podcast this summer, we talked about the intentionally holding space for that kind of energy and how hard that was for us. So what would you say? knowing what you know now and like the benefits of like what that unfolded for you, what would you tell yourself in that moment? who, like, was very uncomfortable and wanted to run?
Speaker 2:It was two things. It was. it was I thought I had to either be angry or not, and it was having a healthy relationship with anger and actually using it as a tool. Yeah, Like that's where I wasn't being productive For lack of a better word I was just raging, And that was also kind of where like a lot of my like anger with men came from which I've also like released this year too, Yeah, because that was something that came out of.
Speaker 2:That is Ken, could a man sit here and hold space? and I was like never, no, i was back in anger.
Speaker 1:I was pissed again. Well it's. it was giving you the space to express it instead of trying to constantly like, like you know in your mind, like, oh, i know better, i'm healing, i'm evolving, but you never. and it was like I had a similar experience. It kind of gave us the permission to just express it and then started this like bigger conversation about how we don't allow ourselves like space in our life to express big emotions like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So yeah, it was pretty powerful. The month before I was doing I spent a bunch of time on the East Coast and I thought I had started to kind of heal some of that men stuff, because I spent a lot of time with very emotionally intelligent, empathetic like I'm calling them like new world men. Yeah, Jesse, that's your bed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i'm getting myself this.
Speaker 2:But I was like where you know, like where, where are you guys been? like, we need you. Like start showing up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so like hiding in the bushes.
Speaker 2:He's out editing our fucking wild podcast.
Speaker 1:It takes days.
Speaker 2:So it was coming July. Would I have hung out with your brother for a bit?
Speaker 1:I was very nervous about that because I was like oh my God, she's going to find out. My siblings are funnier than me.
Speaker 2:We honestly had the best fucking time, though He's the best.
Speaker 1:He's the best. He's one of my besties, he's the best.
Speaker 2:That rafting trip was something else So good. September rolled around. I went on another road trip. I've never done the drive from Utah to Denver. I was like avoid it because of traffic And it was so beautiful Like I couldn't stop stopping to do stuff hike, paddle, get in a hot spring like whatever. I just took my time, went up to the War Party Ranch, met some incredible people in my again a lot of really amazing men.
Speaker 1:You're being shown they exist. Okay, i'm going to pause you there. I'm sorry This is going to be the longest episode we've ever done. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to go back.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like the rage ceremony in Sedona really set you on the path to then stop encountering the kind of men you had beef with And it kind of cleared the path for you to like sort of attract these different experiences that maybe you weren't like, you weren't like available for while you were still like in that anger suppression?
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure. And I started to recognize too that, like what the men that, like I was pissed at or like dislike, didn't want to be around, a lot of it was like their trauma, like they're not allowed to express, like. So a lot of it was I was just having no empathy because I was like I'm over you, like I'm sick of this behavior And you're ruining everything for everybody else, and I was just kind of like blanket, like all men everywhere.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:But I kept being shown over and over and over like no, that's not what it is And I wonder why. And that whole love that like got kicked off in February also has been carrying on with a man in particular. that is just proving me wrong over and over.
Speaker 1:Shout out, shout out, man.
Speaker 2:Shut up unnamed man.
Speaker 1:We got to think of a fun podcast name for him so we can be like like Poopsie or something. you think he'd mind if I started calling him Poopsie?
Speaker 2:Ask him.
Speaker 1:Hello Poopsie, i'll roll with it. Jesse, you want to actually be called Poopsie?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:I'll call him. So Poopsie turns out to be the real deal.
Speaker 2:And that was annoying.
Speaker 1:We're still working out the kinks, folks. Okay, this healing doesn't happen overnight.
Speaker 2:Okay, love is like so annoying.
Speaker 1:Oh God, shut up. You know what else is annoying?
Speaker 2:Hiking, sharing letters to ourselves. So September popped over to Page to Arizona to like just randomly get on a helicopter and fly around, had a whole weird and I actually think you know what's crazy is that after I started letting that anger go after Sedona and we kind of like regrounded, august to now has just been like overdrive, yeah, like hyper drive of like spiritual whoo-hoo universe, like think it, it manifests.
Speaker 1:Well, because in that time also, in between June and September, we started the podcast.
Speaker 2:Oh, I didn't even think about that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've been talking about it for like three years and we finally started, thanks to our little angel over here.
Speaker 2:Jesse.
Speaker 1:J Patty, because gosh dang it If we didn't have him here. Yeah, who would know? who would know how to record?
Speaker 2:What happened still somehow, Oh bless.
Speaker 1:But think about like, like committing committing to the podcast, with with each other and I'm going to talk a little bit about this too, and I read mine. I feel like it's literally put our feet to the fire of. like do you mean what you say? Because we are. we are being presented like constantly now with this Yeah Platform for lack of a better word like not trying to sound like you know buzzwordy, but Like if we really really want to retain the authenticity of why we started this in the first place, right, like we are being challenged all the time to keep showing up for it.
Speaker 2:And if I connect the dots on that and that's we are literally speaking it into no one.
Speaker 2:Like this makes perfect sense. We're speaking it into existence and now I'm like everybody chill out, like it's all happening. Yeah, like it's. It's so, it's all good, mm-hmm, but it's it's big, big energy which kind of leads into the next thing is our in 2023. We're working like through some of it, but really like hitting the gas on retreats with the point in particular and what that looks like, and possibly like taking retreats out into the field, and I don't want to like over speak anything but Man like that was a. That was kind of like a long time coming for us, especially after our well, we got to October, which you guys know. What happened in Arkansas? Well, we don't know what happened in.
Speaker 1:I'm going back.
Speaker 2:I'm getting a slot skis. I'm pissed.
Speaker 1:I'm so pissed I didn't get sandwich, tyler Megan, i just I'm gonna need to reserve the house okay.
Speaker 2:We went through treat there had another strong man, had some friends coming down hiking and and then kind of had met on our behalf with the point people and like laid out some ideas and they're super into it.
Speaker 1:So Coming up 2023 like as much as I was like I had your wives. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I was like 23, like gonna be chill, like we're just gonna stay at home this year.
Speaker 1:So would you say like in review, like first of all, you like fucking killed it on your this is 40? Cuz like listening to all this stuff. You did this. I mean, are you proud of like how you, you know, tackled this year?
Speaker 2:I'm. I am really proud of it. I think you should be ready, knowing and to its heart, like I think maybe it's a trainer in me too But like I'm already, like I'm already thinking they're on to the next thing, or like next goal for lack of better word, or whatever It is instead of just like hey, like sit here for a second and like be proud and feel your feelings. But it was such a, it was such a. That's why I'm like 40 isn't shit, because it I was still. I'm still in growth mode.
Speaker 1:Yeah, heavy heavy in growth Totally. But would you say then now, like kind of where we started the conversation and like wrapping up your year in review As we think about like the next year, so we get to, i'm gonna force you to share your word on our next episode. Okay, everybody, just prepare for that. Jesse, i'm fucking looking at you.
Speaker 2:I see it.
Speaker 1:You're tuned your turn, you're choosing a word this year, but, um, do you feel like I think you've already answered this question, cuz it's obvious to me, but do you really feel like you lived up to the word you chose and the theme that you really focused on this year?
Speaker 2:I Do and and it happened really, or I like I think I lined up experiences, being really open to like all sorts of opportunities and feelings and people and That's what made it what it was. But like if I because it's not like shit, like, besides the work trips I didn't really have none of this was really planned. You know what I mean totally, but it's interesting when you set the intention, how the year unfolds around it. So be careful what you wish for out there people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, choose your word with like serious intention because it's.
Speaker 2:It's gonna show up how it shows up. You don't get a choice like it's gonna. Yeah, put you in hard positions to make you prove what you said well, thank you.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, i feel you took a journey.
Speaker 2:Yours is gonna be so poetic and I'm like Like sad girl.
Speaker 1:Shit like just put on a weird. Okay, so every year this is cheesy, but shout out George Navar, cuz he's the only one who cares.
Speaker 1:I make ever since 2019, which is a story for a different day. I make a year and Like soundtrack of my life, like of the songs that like kind of carried me through my year, and so in preparation For this, for this letter, i kind of started making my playlist of the year and I'm like did I listen to anything besides Beyonce and Harry Styles this year? I'm so boring, but I want to remind you before. Okay, so before I read my letter. Okay, my letter is truly just like a letter. I did not itemize. I feel kind of bad now because I missed out on some pretty like Specific milestones, but you know, you feel free to stop me if you need to. This is your own artistic expression.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my interpretation of the of the task right, but I don't.
Speaker 1:For those of you who, like, maybe don't know me or haven't followed me before listening to the podcast, you've heard me talk about, like my weight loss journey and being in like the fitness space and in a, you know, non-typical body, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:Well, i I have been on a fitness journey Since 2014 and have lost and gained lots and you know, weight and all the things in between. But at the end of last year, i found out that I had gotten really super into running. I was going to a studio in town that was doing like all kinds of crazy, like interval stuff, and me and Mikey were killing it, killing it and I was you get it really into running for like the first time in my life because I had, you know, the fitness Foundation to support my body and doing that after years of like kind of leading up to it. But what happened? was it create I, because I have all of the weight I've lost, i had it like an apron of skin that I had just like embraced dude. Like anybody who knows me, like has known me before this, like Knows I just stuff that thing and leggings and be on my way, like I did not care.
Speaker 1:It was just like you know, um, and it's funny because a lot of people would always ask me like if I was ever gonna have it removed, and I'm like, well, i Don't know, that's weird like you know.
Speaker 1:I. But it was never like this thing. That was like on my mind. And at the end of last year I discovered I had to go to the doctor because I had created a hernia From the running and from the loose skin and so it was pretty significant. Actually, i kind of put me on a workout halt, which was devastating for me at the time, and had to kind of work through that and had to prepare for this Skin removal surgery because that was what had caused the hernia. So it was kind of a miraculous thing that happened, because If I had just kind of gone to a plastic surgeon or something to consider having the skin removed, it would have been like you know 50 grand and like totally cosmetic You know what I mean. But because it had caused me this pretty significant hernia, it like a lot of it was covered by insurance because it was medical. So that was how my year began was literally.
Speaker 1:I think I had surgery on January, second or something, i can't remember the exact date, but literally like the first week of January I had skin removal surgery. And One thing I did not put in my letter that I want to state Because, like I said, i went back and looked at my pictures and was like listening to the same music I was listening to and like trying to connect with, like myself. In that moment was that Nothing like could have prepared me For what I was going to experience with that situation and I maybe I'll talk about it more someday, but I Remember thinking so vividly because that like front but I called it a front, but it was like you know my front but, But.
Speaker 1:Like I could not Imagine myself without that. You know what I mean And I literally remember thinking before I went in for surgery. Like I don't care what this ends up looking like or whatever.
Speaker 1:Like I will never forget What this is like living in this body is like like I remember specifically thinking that to myself, like, like they can take it away, but I'll always know Right. And so, having you tasked me with this Activity, i in fact Do not remember life before my front, but like I went back and looked at pictures and it kind of blew my mind and I was just like Pissed at myself for having the audacity to be anything but like Respectful of myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what I'm saying, because I it's like it just became like once.
Speaker 1:I remember when I first woke up from anesthesia. I remember looking down and I was like a lap Like who has a lap?
Speaker 1:I like my thighs were just like in the open air. I'm like people just have their coochie out, like Like this is like I just did not know sorry Jesse, i did not know it was wild, but I thought surely, like this is like, this is an experience and I'm grateful for it. But I will never forget. And, sure enough, at the end of the year It was like, oh my god, i had my surgery this year.
Speaker 1:And that's weird to think about, because life just picks up and moves on regardless. Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:So, I just I thought that was really interesting because it just really put me back in touch with, like that and and you know, you hear the old adages of like you know, oh, you know appreciate what you have now, because there's a version of you in the past who was praying for this. Now, right, and it's like, ain't that a bitch? here I'm sitting here with no front, but Taking this fully for granted and remembering, like, getting connected with a version of myself that like just Never even thought it was possible. Do you know what I mean? and I'm just like, oh my gosh, right. And then I'm like the word elevate doesn't resonate. Okay, so I'm just gonna read this through it's. It's a little long, but I'm gonna read it fast And if you need to, either of you, you could stop me, but I'm just gonna read it, okay, so I don't start crying and getting weird, okay.
Speaker 1:So, dear January 2022, mandy, you are about to begin your year by having the most major and significant physical event happen to you Your skin removal surgery. No amount of preparation will prepare you for the physical, mental and emotional pain of releasing not only the 30 pounds of of excess skin and tissue, but also what that weight and Skin represented as a physical manifestation of how you had absorbed and held on to the literal weight and heaviness of everyone around you, as well as yourself, for your whole life Pretty, pretty heavy stuff. You will spend all year releasing yourself from the role of emotional and spiritual garbage dump and And allowing the version of you who would let anyone and everything bring their stress, weariness, sadness, pain and frustration To you and leave it on your heart and ask for help in fixing it, only to bounce and vanish when they felt better or worse, end up downplaying or resenting you for needing you in the first place. You will finally Accept that it's been you all along who's allowed you to be treated this way, and you will spend the entire rest of this year slowly and reluctantly putting to death every false identity and Their respective behaviors and patterns that you have hung all your worth and value upon. The more you show up for yourself and disregard how uncomfortable it makes you and others feel to change the quote way It's always been, it will cause you to lose connection with even more people than you've already lost and, at times, causing you to lose faith in the whole process. This will include family. This will include friends whom you never expected. It will include your quote job as a quote coach and your entire identity as a professional fitness and wellness person, even various projects and opportunities that you have lent your passion, talent and energy to have to be pruned away To stop you from leaking out all of your own precious energy from yourself.
Speaker 1:And whatever it is that's coming for you next. It will be hard. You will be angry. You will grieve for all of the younger youths who didn't have the safety or right to grieve, protest, emote or stand up for herself. You will be confused, since this was supposed to be the year that you'd elevate. Instead, it has felt like a year of loss and death. As you come to realize that everything that has had to go was because you were only holding on to it, to keep trying to prove yourself to everyone, you will learn that the more you release, the less you have to prove, and that is the path of true freedom. In the midst of it all, you will travel around the US seven times, which I was impressed by until you dropped your 20,000, but for me that's a. That's a lot of travel girl. We did a lot of shit this year.
Speaker 1:In the midst of it all. You will travel around the US seven times, being given the opportunity to leave conversations about all of these important things that seem like are happening to everyone else also. You will make new connections with amazing new people and receive revelations that will blow your mind. You will start the damn podcast and finally find the courage to speak publicly about all kinds of things that you've been trying to hide from. You will get weirdly into Harry Styles It's fucking great album, okay.
Speaker 1:You will watch your son become a young man with a job and a driver's license and one year left of high school, and you will watch your daughter merge into her teenage ink phase, her teenage eighth phase, and you will love it and hate it at the same time, because you know how fast it's happening. But wow, how cool are they. You will start a new job with Mikey at his job that will bring you together in a way you could only ever dream of Realizing, after a year of continued loss, that what you've really had all along is pure gold. The man is golden, golden holding, who Has literally shown you that he has and will be the only human being alive to keep his promises to you and never abandon you Or the life you've built together. This year, genuine self-love and a man and an amazing marriage that you've had to fight for has become your axis. Lastly, you will unexpectedly lose Khaleesi girl, my little boxer. We had to put her down on Sunday as of recording this, so it's a little fresh, right, very unexpected, but I wrote. You will be reminded of the hard lesson of taking the most important things for granted, but she will show you and your family what it looks like to love each other all the way.
Speaker 1:You will wrap up the year exhausted But Hopeful that you've what that all you've had to let go of was, for your best good, moving into the unknown with much, with a much lighter load, literally and physically and Spiritually. All the things right and really nothing left to lose. You are hoping to restore a healthy relationship to fitness and moving your body again in a way that just isn't serving your ego self. You are hoping to restore your faith in faith and no longer be ashamed or hide your discoveries or gifts out of fear or shame from other Versions of yourself you've let go of. You are hoping to restore faith and friendship and loving people again and trusting them after learning how to draw and hold boundaries That serve you first. You are hoping to continue to discover your true purpose that isn't attached to anyone or anything else outside of your authentic self. You are hoping to finally be free of the need to be understood or explain yourself in any way. And Despite it all, you will persist.
Speaker 2:No further questions.
Speaker 1:But it's funny because so many of your like milestone moments in the year are we're mine too. So but if I had to like wrap it all up for me, that's like the takeaway right, like as I was kind of realizing that the word elevate for 2022 wasn't a bust, but it was like you can't, ella. Something can't rise unless it's sunk. That's what I'm saying. Be careful with the damn word you choose people. Don't be choosing patience. I'm gonna tell you that right now. Stop looking at me.
Speaker 2:I already picked my word, I'm not gonna give it up yet but but man, it did it.
Speaker 1:Like I said, i was reluctant to do your exercise, but it helped ground me because if I just think about like All that has happened in this last year and just like you know, i just spin on it It I start to just feel sorry for myself and I'm just like this is fucking bullshit like.
Speaker 1:Sick of this whole thing, like you know, and I just get mad and then I'm like, oh wait, Wow, this is really like you know. If it's true what I always say you can only lead where you've gone Right, then how could I possibly know anything beyond if I don't go there? So it's more like I had a friend say you can only lead as far as you've gone, or you can only lead as far as you've come out of. So I was like, okay, I Guess we'll just spin on things for another year.
Speaker 2:One more time around the sun.
Speaker 1:So we're gonna wrap it up on this episode because we are way beyond time. If you've hung in with us this long, please, please, please, find yourself 30 minutes and a good cry spot in your house to write yourself a letter, your January 2022 self, and slide into the DMs. Let us know, like, how it went. Stay tuned next week for the follow-up activity. She's making mess, making me do stuff again. You won't want to miss it and we love you guys.